frustration.

This past week (tomorrow) has probably been one if the most stressful, frustrating weeks of my life. I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea I would be this anxious for test time. I also didn't realize just how the medications would make me feel.

First of all, I've had a lot of pain with my injections. After a few days, I was ready to call it quits and asked if there were other options. Unfortunately, they want me to go to at least 8 weeks on the progesterone in oil. After tons of googling, Carlos and I finally figured out the perfect injection site, and things have improved significantly. He has been giving me all of my injections, and is doing a great job. This all happened after I sat through the most excruciating pain of my life, as he massaged giant knots of clumped up olive oil out if my butt. I'm still sore, but it's tolerable. I can sit again, and the heating pad has become my best friend.

Secondly, early symptoms of pregnancy and side effects of the progesterone are almost identical. Exhaustion. Dizziness. Urinary frequency. Bloating. Almost every symptom I've had that made me think I was pregnant, is also a side effect of the progesterone, which makes me question all of it. On the positive side, I've already had some food aversions, mild cramping, mild nausea, and a very sensitive sense of smell!

Lastly, the wait. I am probably the LEAST patient person on the face of the planet. Thursday cannot come fast enough. I wish we could just go and get my blood drawn now, but I know it is just too early. If we want accurate results, we have to wait.

Praying for some peace in my heart to accept God's will, whatever it may be, and survive these next few days with as little anxiety as possible!

How it all got started...

5 years ago, 3 years ago, even 1 year ago, I never would have thought I'd be in the place I am today. "That is crazy!" "I don't understand how anyone could want to do that!" Those were both things that came to my mind when I heard about someone being a gestational surrogate. Last summer, I ate my own words!

It is said that God brings you to people, places and situations for a reason, even if you have no idea why at the time. Two years ago, I met Ali. Who would have thought that a resale website could bring such amazing changes to my life. Ali was the first person I interviewed when I started looking for a new babysitter for my own children. I interviewed one other person that day, and then stopped. There was just something about Ali just felt right. From the beginning, I knew that Ali had health issues, but I never really inquired about it because it never interfered with the amazing care she provided to my children. As time passed, we talked more and I learned more about her condition, but I still had no idea what was to come!

After just over a year, I learned (just after Ali did) that she would not be able to have children! This was something that she was expecting to hear, but I was not. My heart broke for her. Here is a woman that has always treated my children as if they were her own, been incredibly flexible with us and provided such a great support as well, how could she not be given the blessing of her own child?

Over the course of the next few days, the thoughts of surrogacy ran through my mind, but I simply shrugged them off. I still didn't quite understand how one could give up a child that grew inside of them. The more time that passed, the more I truly felt as though it was something that should at least be considered. I couldn't imagine being denied the things in life that bring me the most joy, and I couldn't imagine Ali without them either. I mentioned it to my husband who replied, "sure, why not. Maybe we can get some free babysitting out of it!" Ugh...men! Well, little did he know, I was serious and since he gave his permission, I decided to talk to Ali.

A few weeks later, everything changed as Ali and Brian accepted my offer! That was almost a year ago...due to necessary scheduling adjustments, we are just now moving forward with the process. I am so excited to begin this incredible journey that will bind my family with Ali's family, and hopefully let her family grow by 2!