2 weeks.

As of today, I'm officially 2 weeks post-partum. I'm also many, many weeks behind on posting here. While Oliver's due date was April 8th, he decided that April 3rd would be his birthday. Thankfully, he arrived just in time to meet the timeline that my family had for our move to Okinawa.

For a few weeks leading up to his arrival, I was doing everything known to man to jump start labor. I frequently used a yoga ball to prepare my body. I walked everyday. Often times, I was walking about 5 miles a day. I was doing squats, taking the stairs 2 at a time during every commercial break. Trying foods that are supposed to help. You name it, I tried it! It really is true though, the baby is not going to come until your body and the baby are ready.

 At my 38 week appointment, my midwife was able to strip my membranes since I was dilated to 3cm. With my son, this brought labor on within less than 2 days, so we were hopeful that something would happen quickly. My mom came down so she wouldn't have to drive down in the middle of the night, in a rush. Ali's mom also came down that day, and....nothing happened!

On the afternoon of the 3rd, Carlos was home, so I decided to take a walk along my normal route. I didn't have a single contraction the entire time, and as I was coming down the home stretch of the walk, I was starting to get more and more upset that he just wouldn't come. Then, I felt something I wasn't expecting and I became even more upset. I was pretty much 100% sure I had peed my pants! Considering this hadn't been an issue throughout the pregnancy, I was not very happy that it was something I could add to my list of different things that happened this time around. Now, I was officially more pregnant than I ever had been, and I was going to start peeing myself. Great!

When I got home, I went straight upstairs to change and take a bath to relax. When I changed, I noticed that I didn't smell urine at all. That's when I decided that maybe I didn't have a disgusting symptom to add to the pregnancy, maybe my water was leaking instead. I took my bath, waiting hopefully, for contractions to start. Nothing happened. After my bath, I texted the amazing doula that was going to be encapsulating my placenta, and let her know what happened. She recommended I rest, work the yoga ball, and if I continued to have increased leakage to eventually go in. I then texted Ali and let her know what was going on. Together, we decided that it'd be best to go ahead and get checked out after we had a chance to eat dinner.

Sometime around 6:30, Ali picked me up and we headed over to the Naval Hospital. They got me checked in, and hooked me up to the monitor and said they wanted to monitor me for at least 20 minutes. I was having occasional contractions, but nothing painful, and they were relatively far apart. Around 7:45, they finally checked me to see if it was actually my water and to see how far dilated I was. I was dilated to a "tight" 4cm and 75% effaced at that time. When he realized Lt. Dell had already stripped my membranes once, the doctor decided to try again. He was unable to get his fingers between Olivers head and my cervix, so he was unable to strip them well. A few minutes later they came back and stated that it sounded like I probably had a "pin hole" leak that had sealed itself off, because there was no ferning on the slide to indicate that amniotic fluid was leaking at that time. They also let us know that the baby had experienced a few late decelerations in his heart rate when we first got there, so they wanted to continue to monitor for another hour.

By 8:30, the contractions were really starting to hurt. They also were much more regular and coming closer and closer together. At 9, they came in to pull the strips off the monitor and stated they would most likely be sending me home. I was in a lot of pain with each contraction at that point, so we made sure they knew that. At 9:10, they decided to keep me...Oliver was officially on his way! For probably the 10th time, I asked if they had called Lt. Dell yet, since she said she would come in for my delivery, even though she was on leave. Luckily, they had. Ali called Brian right away so he could get there, and I let Carlos know they were keeping me so he could get someone to the house to stay with the kids and get down there. I really thought that with how things were going, labor was not going to move as quickly as it did with my last pregnancy, so I didn't tell Carlos to hurry...I was wrong!

They asked me about pain medication as soon as we got into the room. I told them I hadn't anticipated being able to get an epidural, so I guess I might as well take one! I also asked for something IV to help out while I waited for the anesthesiologist. During this time, they were hooking me back up to the monitor, starting an IV, etc. The nurse told me I had to be checked again to get IV medications, and she went to get the doctor for me. They want to insure that you aren't progressing too quickly before they give you IV medications, if the baby is born too soon after the medications, he would be too sleepy to respond appropriately to the outside world. The doctor checked me at about 9:50 and I was at 8cm and in a lot of pain by then, and guess what, because I had progressed so quickly, no IV pain medications for me. Plus, the anesthesiologist was still in the next room over, and the contractions were so painful, I wasn't going to be able to sit up to get the epidural anyway. So, another natural labor for me. I have to admit, I was not happy about that. Even though I had expected to not get pain medications, I really, really wanted it.

Again, I asked if Lt. Dell had been contacted and if she was on her way, they called her again to let her know how much I had progressed. I was experiencing back labor again, so I was incredibly uncomfortable. I was already feeling the need to push, but couldn't because I wasn't completely dilated yet. Carlos finally got to the hospital sometime after 10. Brian was already there at that point as well. Once I knew Lt. Dell was on her way, I asked (not so nicely) for them to please check me again because I really, really wanted to push to make the pain stop. When they checked again, the lip of my cervix was still over Oliver's head, so I wasn't quite ready to push yet. I asked (again probably not so nicely) for them to PLEASE break my water so that things would go faster. Within a few minutes of them breaking my water, I was ready to push, and Lt. Dell still wasn't there. I got through my first contraction of pushing, and she finally walked in. I was so happy! I don't know why, but I really wanted her there. After a few more contractions, Ali and Brian finally got to hold their son! It was amazing to see them with him, and I was beyond happy that labor was finally over!

My first time seeing Oliver!

36 weeks.

Say what!? 36 weeks, already? How is that even possible?

We are now only 4 weeks (or less) away from welcoming Oliver to the world, and seeing Ali and Brian finally get to have their baby in their arms. Today, the legal paperwork arrived at Ali's house. That makes it all SO much more official, and we are now ready for Oliver to show up.

This weekend, we took some maternity pictures. I can't wait to see all of them, but the sneaks so far are great. Ali wanted to be sure to include my kids in the photos, and they really enjoyed it.

Tomorrow is my last day of work. I'm so happy to finally have a bit more time off. I have a swollen ankle, and am just tired in general when I'm on my feet all day at work.

30 weeks.

Holy Cow!

How have 30 weeks already passed. This pregnancy is FLYING by! Considering we've known I was pregnant since long before you would typically know, I assumed the pregnancy would drag on forever. I've truly been blessed with a great pregnancy. I didn't feel great at the beginning, but once I was able to stop taking all the hormones, things turned around.

The entire second trimester was great. I had a decent amount of energy. I wasn't sick at all. As a whole, I felt great. The baby is growing perfectly, and everything is great. Then, I hit the third trimester. It was a rocky start. I started having dizzy spells and almost passed out at work one morning.

After 4 days of continued light-headedness and dizzy spells, I finally went in to the hospital to get checked out. Oliver, that's what Ali and Brian have decided to name him in case you didn't know, was moving around as he should be. His heart rate was steady and my vitals were fine. They drew blood and I'm pretty anemic. Anemia is common for me, but my hemoglobin has gone down by about 2 grams since becoming pregnant. So, the anemia is most likely the cause of my continued foggy/light-headed feelings. They also believe I'm having post-prandial hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar after meals. I'm not 100% sure this is what's happening, but I have seen some improvement since adjusting my eating habits a bit. I really just had to cut out juice in the morning and make sure I'm eating small, frequent meals. One bonus of working at a hospital is my many connections. I have a dietician that I've been able to talk to frequently about what would be best for me, and the diabetic educator gave me a glucometer so I can check my blood sugar when I'm not feeling well.

I continue to feel light-headed, but I honestly can't really complain. I'm not in pain. I am able to take care of my kids, play with them, keep the house picked up, and work without too much difficulty. I'm not going to lie, I'm tired, but that is to be expected at this point. Thankfully, Ali helps out a lot by picking the kids up from school sometimes, helping me with bath time, and giving me a break whenever she can.

Oliver is incredibly active. I know we tend to forget a lot about our pregnancies, but I honestly can't remember my kids being this active in the womb! I remember worrying if they were moving often enough or not. With Oliver, I definitely don't have that problem. This little guy is on the move ALL the time. My kids love seeing my belly move. They especially love stacking things on my belly and waiting for him to kick them off or at least make them move around. They love snuggling up to the belly so he can kick them too! As he gets bigger, he's also getting stronger. Some of his kicks, punches, movements can really hurt. But, it is fun, and at least I know he's a healthy, growing boy!

10 more weeks, maybe less, and Ali and Brian will finally be able to hold onto their little man!

Half baked.

20 weeks! We are half way there! 

I'm so amazed that the time has gone by so quickly. I feel like just yesterday we were in Arizona for the transfer. Now, I'm already half way through the pregnancy. Where have the past 5 months gone?

The pregnancy has gone so smoothly. I'm feeling great. I'm finally starting to really show. I'm feeling the baby moving all the time. In fact, 4am seems to be the favorite time of day for a dance party. My husband has also just started to be able to feel the baby from the outside. Ali hasn't gotten to yet, but it's so hit and miss when you can feel it, it might just be another week or so. I can still sleep on my stomach (sort of). Everything is great.

Tonight however, was fabulous. Tonight, Ali, Brian and I went to get a 3d/4d ultrasound together. Brian has to work tomorrow and will miss the anatomy scan, so friends and family all got together to fund this ultrasound for them, so Brian wouldn't have to miss out. Thankfully, the baby was very cooperative and was not afraid to show his goods! In fact, he was far from shy and made it to where we are 100% confident that he is in fact a boy. He has some mile long legs...he was pretty much folded in half with his feet up over his head. His femur was measuring 6 days ahead of schedule. Thankfully for me, his head is measuring right on! I'll take long legs over a big head any day!

Here are his precious pictures!

Tomorrow Ali and I are lucky enough that we get to see him again tomorrow. 

We can't wait!

18 weeks.

Today, I am officially 18 weeks through the pregnancy...only 22 more to go. That sure seems like a lot, but I can't believe we are already half way done. It has literally flown by! I'm feeling the little baby moving more and more all the time, and I love it. It has to be the best part of being pregnant. I can't wait until the movements are strong enough to be felt from the outside...I want Ali, and my kiddos, to be able to feel it! I'm sure Ali is dieing to feel it too. My kids are loving seeing the belly grow. Olyvia will notice it and say, "your belly is just popping out mom, it's so cute!" She always makes this statement complete with huge arm movements and jumping!

The most exciting this about being this far along is that the time for the gender ultrasound is almost here! On November 20th at 8:45 in the morning, we will get to have another peak at the baby...hopefully, the baby will cooperate and we can finally know if there is a boy, or a girl growing in there! I'm voting boy. Just a feeling that I have!

So far, the pregnancy is going great. Aside from being a little extra tired, I feel perfectly fine. I was having some issues with restless leg syndrome, but those seem to have subsided for now. The belly is growing, and being in maternity clothes has been a huge relief. They are SO comfortable. I don't remember being this comfy with my own kids. I also don't remember having such cute clothes. Hopefully, things will continue to go smoothly from here on out.

Here is a picture from 16 weeks, since I haven't posted it yet and haven't taken a new picture yet today:

Now, to veer off topic a tiny bit, but not much...this whole journey has been incredible. It definitely is not something I every thought I would have been involved it, but I am so happy to have stepped out of my comfort zone and done something so amazing. While it isn't everyone's cup of tea, there are SO many Intended Parents out there looking to be matched with their very own surrogate. Right now, Extraordinary Conceptions has far more parents out there than they do surrogates. These parents have been struggling with infertility and loss, most likely for years, and are ready to move forward and complete their family. This is not something to jump into lightly, but if it something you have felt tugging on your heart, let me know and I can connect you with the agency...there is even a signing bonus once a surrogate is matched with Intended Parents!

One.

One perfect little baby. One healthy beating heart.

Ali and I made the trip out to Arizona one last time on August 28th. This was the big day. The day we finally found out just how many of those embryos decided to hold on. It was a long trip, and for the first time ever, we were actually late! They were ready for us though, and I think they were just as anxious as we were.

Head is to the right in all ultrasound pics!

Right away, we could see it. One little "gummy bear" as they called it. They showed us all the parts, the head, arms, legs, and the beating heart. It had a nice strong heart beat and was beating a 178 times per minute, high but perfect. They allowed us SO much time to look at everything and really enjoy seeing the baby. Then, Gina got serious. She wanted to find baby number two as she was certain that there had to be a second one. She searched around for quite a while, but there was only one. One is all they needed!

We had a great plan for finding out the sex if both embryos had taken. We were going to have them write it in an envelope and seal it. Then, Ali and Brian were going to decide how and when they really wanted to find out. Since there's only one, we asked them to tell us if they put in one of each, or both the same, without giving it away. I guess God's plan is for Ali and Brian to get to experience a little bit of a normal pregnancy. They put in one of each, so now we all have to wait...just like every other pregnant person out there!!

At first, I was slightly disappointed that they hadn't both taken. I had been imagining how exciting it would be to carry twins. I've carried one baby before, two babies would have been a whole new experience and so exciting. But, the more I thought about it, the more relief I felt. While tons of twins are born these days, perfectly healthy, and with perfectly healthy pregnancies, they still present a lot of risks. Twin pregnancies typically experience more morning sickness, greater chance at periods of bedrest, greater chance of c-section, and just a greater chance of getting huge! I'm not a very big person and like Lisa (one of our favorite nurses at the clinic) said, if it had been two, I probably would have been sticking out almost as far as I am tall. That would not be good for my little body.

Gina was kind enough to print tons of pictures for Ali and Brian, and she even allowed us to record the entire ultrasound. So, even though Brian wasn't able to be there, he was able to see the baby move and watch the fluttering of the baby's heart. One our way out, Dr. Nemiro happened to walk out to the front desk. Ali and I were both so happy to be able to see him one last time, and to thank him. He looked over all the pictures and was thrilled with the results. They made their predictions on girl or boy, and reminded us that we have to send them pictures when we find out and when the baby arrives! We said our goodbyes and left the office for the last time. It was actually a little sad. We have come to know so many of them over the past year and a half.

The drive home seemed SO long. Mainly because we both wanted to be home. Ali wanted to be able to talk to Brian and her family, and I was just ready to be home and in bed. We talked about all sorts of exciting things, how we felt since both hadn't taken, etc. I will let Ali share those feelings herself, when she's ready or when she wants to.

I'm currently 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Next week, we have our first OB appointment here and will get another ultrasound. My goal now is to try to stay healthy this pregnancy. I am finally feeling much better, so I'm working on getting back to eating well. I kind of let myself have whatever I wanted the past few weeks just to keep the nausea under control. Ali and I are walking three miles on the days I don't work. I drop off the kids at school, and then we go...up hills, down hills, all around. It's a great route and a reasonable workout.

So many people have asked me over the past year and a half how I could carry someone else's baby. I will tell you this, I have read many stories from surrogates stating that it just felt different from the beginning, and it really does. I don't know how to explain it, but it's not the same as when I was pregnant with my own children. I'm beyond thrilled for Ali and Brian. I'm incredibly happy to be able to give this gift to them. I love knowing that in a few months I'll be able to feel that little baby moving around. I love knowing what body parts are being formed this week, but there is a disconnect somewhere in there. I know I will always have a special bond with this baby, but I also know it isn't mine and seeing Ali and Brian hold their baby for the first time is going to be the most amazing thing ever. I just can't wait!

7 weeks

Now, you can ask me if I feel pregnant. You know why? Because I am, and I do feel pregnant! I am officially 7 weeks pregnant today!

Eight days after the transfer, I woke up and I was spotting. I panicked and emailed the clinic right away. I was so scared that something terrible was happening. I took a shower, relaxed a little, and started looking things up online. (Something I always tell my patients not to do.) Upon doing some research, I discovered that this actually might be a good thing, it might be implantation bleeding. When I realized this, I let Ali know what was happening. She gave me permission to to get a pregnancy test, and to find out the initial HCG results when I heard back from the clinic. After dropping off the kids, I stopped at the dollar store to get some tests. Then, I heard from the clinic. They ran off a list of a million things that could be happening, and what to do if it got worse. They also asked if I wanted to know the results from the blood test. Of course, I said yes, and 4 days after the transfer, my HCG was 16! They would have been happy with anything over 2 and I was a 16!!! This was fabulous news, so I called Ali right away and told her. After 2 days, I no longer had any spotting. That Friday, I was scheduled for my "official" HCG.

Friday morning, I went in to the lab first thing in the morning. The phlebotomist told me that stat results take about 45 minutes to be reported. She lied. It was tragic. It took 4 hours to get our results, but when we finally did, it was fabulous. My HCG was 964, again much higher than they even expected it to bed! Ali was thrilled! I was SO happy that it finally worked, I was pregnant!!

High numbers aren't always indicative of twins, but the clinic is relatively confident that both embryos took. They stated that in an IVF situation, when two perfect embryos are placed, and then high numbers are found later, it usually does mean that both embryos took. I'm scared and excited that I'm possibly carrying twins right now. It was be fantastic for Ali and Brian. This is probably the only child/children they will get to have, so if they can get a two-fer, that would be awesome! On the 28th, we make our last trip to Arizona for our first ultrasound. Then, we will finally get to know if it's one or two!! The very next day, I have my first OB appointment at the Naval Hospital!

Exciting things are happening here! I will do my best to keep this updated!! Pray for healthy babies!!

Seven Days.

It has been seven days since the transfer and I feel like I'm going to go crazy during this 2 week wait (2ww). Luckily for us, it really isn't a complete 2ww, we only have to wait until Friday...so, 4 more days.

The transfer went as expected. Two beautiful, perfect 3 day old blastocysts appeared on the screen for us to see for just a second. Both were hatching already. They both were graded as perfect in all areas by the embryologist. They were then placed inside of me, and we got to hang out there for just over an hour, with me laying completely flat. Again, new found empathy towards my heart cath patients that have to lay flat for at least 6 hours. It is horrible. After our time was up, we headed back to the hotel. (Sorry no cute pics of me in the gown, booties and shower cap, Ali took one, but I don't have it)!

We stayed in Scottsdale until Thursday morning. The clinic doesn't require any bed rest, but we have met many people who have done this, and they were all on required 3 days of bed rest, so this is what we did. From Monday afternoon until Thursday morning, all I did was sit in bed, watch tv, watch movies, play games, read books and be bored. This was torture for me. I don't sit and do nothing. Ever. I'm always up cleaning, trying to organize things, or just doing something. Not sitting. The only times I got up were for food, water, to go to the bathroom, and I think I showered twice. I didn't even nap. All that laying around doing nothing made me not feel sleepy at all.

When we got home Thursday, I continued with much of the same. The kids were still at my moms having a blast, learning how to swim without floaties, and getting spoiled! I laid around, watched more movies, and rested. Finally on Friday, I was a bit more active and hit up the commissary, did a little laundry, and even went out to dinner and a movie with my husband that night. Everyday since has been about the same, I've done as little as possible and I'm trying not to think about it all as much as possible.

The injections are going well this time around. I initially had some pain, but now they really aren't bothering me, aside from a little itchiness at some of the injection sites.

Please don't ask me if I "feel" pregnant. Assuming the transfer was successful, I'm currently 3 weeks, 5 days pregnant. I'm pretty sure that with both of my kids, I had no idea I was pregnant at this point. So, how would I know if I'm "feeling" pregnant. I'm dizzy, I'm tired, I have nearly constant mild "period-like" cramping. Guess what, those are all side-effects of the progesterone as well. I know people mean well when they ask this, but it just stresses me out. I wish I knew.

I'm excited. I'm hopeful. I'm scared. I'm praying like crazy.

Source

good news.

We received great news at my last appointment on the 18th. My uterine lining was nice and fluffy at 13mm, thicker than it has to be, and 1mm thinner that before the last transfer. Ali and I were both so very relieved that the medications worked. It definitely made it all worth it.

I started the progesterone injections Thursday afternoon. So far, they are going well. Both hips are sore, but I'm hardly in any pain at all, compared to last time around. I also started the progesterone lozenges Thursday. I'm still using the viagra suppositories until tomorrow night. I will be adding antibiotics and steroids to my medication regiment tomorrow.

The embryo transfer is scheduled for Monday, July 22nd at 1:30pm. They will be placing two embryos. Both embryos are graded out "perfect" according to Dr. Nemiro. Ali and I will leave tomorrow to head back to Phoenix. We are planning to stay there until Thursday. My kiddos are staying at my mom's house for the week. I miss them already, but they are having a blast swimming the days away!

Prayers are appreciated for the procedure to go well and for these perfect embryos to attach and grow!

5 days....

That's right, 5. It should be 1 day, but instead it is now 5.

Last Friday, Ali and I made the drive out to Arizona for another ultrasound to check my uterine lining. At this point in the cycle, they want to see it at 8-10mm. Mine was only 7-8mm. Not good. We want these embryos to have the best environment possible for them to attach to, so the transfer had to be pushed back. Unfortunately, this meant many changes.

First of all, I was started on a new medication to help boost my lining. It is fabulous not fun. It is Viagra. Yep, that's right, Viagra. You want to know the best part, I don't just get to pop another pill, they are suppositories...vaginal suppositories! Yay! Please note the heavy sarcasm. Plus, I get to use them 4 times a day! Double yay! Despite how much I'm disliking this medication, research shows that within 24-48 hours of starting Viagra suppositories, a notable change is seen in the uterine lining. So, whatever works will be worth it.

Second change, more lab draws. The transfer was initially scheduled for July 22nd, then we realized that the FDA required labs expired on July 19th, so they bumped it all up a few days. Yesterday, I got the pleasure of donating more blood to Quest labs. I believe they took 6 large vials. At least they only had to stick me once this time!

Third change, planning for an additional 1 day trip to Arizona for a follow up ultrasound on the 18th, and rearranging all of our childcare plans for the week of the transfer. Thankfully, my mom's job is super flexible, so she was easily able to take off the days I need her. We are still working on figuring out someone to watch the kids Thursday morning, but I know it will all workout.

While we were out there last Friday, it was incredibly stressful finding out about all these changes at the very last minute. Prior to the appointment, I had exactly the amount of Lupron I needed to get me to the transfer date. Pushing it back meant I needed more, and I needed it immediately. Since it is a compounded medication, it isn't available immediately, it takes 24-48 hours for the pharmacy to make it. Thankfully, the clinic had a spare bottle with just enough to get us through to the new transfer date. Then, there was the Viagra suppositories. This too is a compounded medication that is rarely used. Neither of the pharmacies that the clinic works with had any in stock and I needed to start that one by Saturday. Get this, we found out no one had them at 5:15 on a Friday, after the clinic closed and 15 minutes before all the pharmacies closed. Ali had to leave me at the pharmacy while she drove back to the clinic to get help. Thankfully, the clinic was able to find a compounding pharmacy in Beverly Hills that had the medication on hand and was willing to ship it out right then. By the grace of God, it arrived on Ali's doorstep by 9am the next morning...the earliest the other pharmacies would be able to get it to us would have been today!!

Each little setback seems so frustrating sometimes. However, each time something comes up, doors open up all around us and we are able to move forward. Thursday will be an important day. Prayers for a nice full, fluffy uterine lining are greatly appreciated!

Source

16 Days

I can't believe we are only 16 days away from the 2nd transfer. It feels like it has taken so long to get to this point, but the past few weeks have flown by.

I've been terrible about updating here, but a lot of progress has been made these past few months. Ali's eggs were retrieved mid-June. We have to great embryos frozen, and waiting for the transfer. I have made 2 trips to Arizona since the transfer. The first was for my SHG. That's the test that checks my uterus to make sure it's in prime shape. It's also the test in which they found the polyp last time around. Luckily, all was clear this time. They thought there was a potential polyp again, but it turned out to just be a bit of retained tissue. The test was just as uncomfortable as I remembered it being the first time around. Luckily, I had a great friend their with me, and we were able to squeeze some shopping in before heading back home. The second trip was for an ultrasound to verify that my uterine line was thinning, as it should be while on Lupron. Everything looked great. Ali made the trip with me that time and it was a great, quick trip. Boy is it hot out there this time of year though!

Our next trip out is scheduled for July 12th, 6 days before the transfer. At that appointment, I will have another ultrasound, and Ali and I will sign all of our consents for the procedure. This ultrasound will be to verify that my uterine lining is full and "fluffy," the perfect environment for those precious embryos to implant themselves in.

Following the last appointment, we received results from some of my labs. As of right now, my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels are higher than the clinic would like to see. I'm at a 3.7 and they want it between 1 and 2. So, this week, I started taking Synthroid. According to the nurses at the clinic, I should only be on the medication through the first trimester. I'm hoping that holds true. At this point, taking one more pill a day doesn't make all that much of a difference when you look at all that I'm taking! Plus, I am more than willing to do whatever it will take to make this work!!

Emotions are crazy right now. I truly feel both Ali and I have tried very, very hard to keep things under wraps this time around. We are scared. We are optimistic and hopeful that things are going to work this time around, but after how things turned out last time, we can't help but be a little fearful. All we can do now is pray and put our faith in God. No matter what we do, He has already decided the outcome. Hopefully, His plan and Ali's plan align and by the end of this month, we'll be announcing a pregnancy!

And so, it begins...again!

It is official. The second attempt at making Ali and Brian parents is officially underway!

Ali started her medications this week. I had a baseline ultrasound this afternoon, and I start my medications tomorrow morning. Yay for menopause!

All of my meds!

I feel as though Ali and I are both much more calm this time around. That's definitely not to say we aren't all excited, it is just different. We are amazed everyday at how quickly we forgot how all of this worked before. It really wasn't that long ago, but we just can't remember some of the details. Maybe we blocked them out in order to block out our feelings after how that round turned out?

If everything goes as it is currently schedule, the egg retrieval will be at the beginning of May and the transfer will be on June 3rd! I'm so glad my husband is such a trooper...June 3rd is our 7th wedding anniversary, and I won't be in any condition to celebrate. I guess we should plan ahead and celebrate early!

Ali and I have made a decision to be more strict on the bed rest after transfer than what the fertility doctor requires. We will most likely stay in Arizona longer after the transfer, and then I will also remain on bed rest for a few days once we get home. The doctor doesn't feel that it is necessary to do this, to insure that the baby(ies) stick, but it will give us all some peace of mind.

You want to know the best part of all of this?? There is a pretty darn good chance Brian will actually be able to be present for the big day!! I'm really hoping that he is. It will be so nice for them to be together as they grow their family!

news.

Since it's been over a month, I suppose it is time to give everyone an update.

We are moving forward with a second round. Yes, I know, I already told you that a while back. But, in all honesty, I really didn't think that it was going to happen due to the financials involved in int. Thankfully, for Ali and Brian, it is.

Ali and I will hopefully be starting medications with our next cycles.

I am excited. I am scared. I am anxious.

I'm so excited to be trying again. I want to be able to help Ali and Brian fulfill their dream of having children so badly, and hopefully we will be successful this time around.

Injections seem so scary to me right now. Now, the lupron, just the progesterone. I had such a hard time with those at first, and I'm petrified that I will wind up going through a painful phase again. Hopefully, Carlos and I will remember what we did and save me a bit of misery.

I am anxious about the possibilities. What if we run into road blocks? What if it doesn't work? I don't want to be negative, but the results of the first round make it very difficult for me to not have a little anxiety about the situation.

I have definitely taken a big step back this time around, as evidenced by my lack of blogging. It's a defense mechanism I suppose, protecting myself from being so devastated again. I am putting it all in God's hands. His will is what will be done, and I just pray that His will and Ali's dreams are in alignment! I also pray that He give us all the strength, patience and courage to make it through!

moving forward.

This update is long, long overdue. As I'm sure most of you already know, the second pregnancy test came back negative. It was expected, and much easier to accept that time around. About a week after we received the results, I got a phone call from Ali asking if I'd be willing to try again. Of course, I said yes. The second rounding is pending, it all depends upon finances. The first round cost close to $40K and the second will be a little cheaper, but still very, very expensive.

The first thing that was decided was to try to get as much covered by their insurance as possible. When a medication that is needed for egg retrieval was approved, we were so excited and filled with hope. This provided the needed encouragement to push for move coverage. If they will cover the medication, you would expect that they'll cover the procedure as well, right?

Tomorrow, we should find out. We are praying that they will be kind and cover this for Ali and Brian, it will save them SO much money and would make such a huge difference in the possibility of the second round happening. Prayers are much appreciated that we will get the news we want!

via

devastation.

Words cannot adequately describe how I'm feeling right now. Today was supposed to be amazing. It was supposed to be the best day of this whole journey. Instead, it was the worst.

It started yesterday, knowing that I would be getting my blood drawn today was causing so much anxiety. It was finally the time when we would find out, 100%, if this was going to actually happen. All along, we've remained incredibly optimistic and hardly acknowledged the possibility of a failed transfer. After all, they had the fancy chromosome testing done to insure the best of the best were being transfered. My lining was perfect. The transfer went smoothly, why wouldn't it work.

I didn't sleep well last night thanks to all the anxiety. This morning, I was practically sick to my stomach thinking of what could happen today. I did my best to get the kids ready and off to school, and headed straight to the Naval Hospital. Last week, I had emailed my doctor to make sure that I could go straight to the lab with the orders from Dr. Nemiro, and since they had said yes, I made my way straight there. Of course, once I was there, things didn't go so smoothly...they were killing me! Since Dr. Nemiro was not in their system, they could not put the order through. They needed more information from Dr. Nemiro, and we would also have to wait for a specific person to add him, and she didn't get in until 9am. Oh, but I forgot to mention that she takes the bus to work, and with all the rain, who knows if she will be late or not. To avoid any extra waiting and stress, I headed over to my doctor's clinic and asked the the nurse if they could just put the order in for me. Thankfully, she did, and I headed back to get my blood drawn. I turned the corner and there was a HUGE line for the lab. Before, I had walked straight up to the counter! Ugh!! Don't these people know I had something important to do!? I finally got drawn, and then I had to wait...they said it would be about an hour.

I returned to the clinic and let them know I'd be waiting there. Thankfully, the Naval Hospital has wifi now, so at least I was able to get online and try to distract myself. After being there for about 30 minutes, and trying to stay calm, my friend Heather showed up with her son. It was SO nice to see them. They were there for her son to get a flu shot, and due to allergies, they would have to wait for a while afterwards. It was nice to have some company there to help distract me.

As soon as the clerk started walking toward me with my results, I knew it as bad news. I could tell by the look on her face that I was not going to be happy with what the paper in her hand was going to tell me. My HCG was only 1.2. To be even close to be considered pregnant, the HCG needs to be at least 5. I thanked Heather for keeping me company and headed to my car, trying my best to hold it together. As soon as I got outside, I called the clinic to let them know. Tears started flowing immediately and I could barely read my results to Jubilee. I asked them to call Ali, I was too scared to do it. I sent out a few texts and then sat in my car crying. I pulled it together a little and drove over to Ethan's school to pick him up. On the way, I missed a call from the doctor. I called him right back, but he had just stepped out, so I sat outside the school and waited for him to call.

Once he called back, the tears started flowing again. In his words, the office was very surprised that I had called with negative results. It was not at all what they had expected to hear. The embryos were fantastic, and very high grade. He said that the embryologist was shocked. He went on to say that they have an 84% success rate when chromosome testing is done. That's pretty good for a fertility clinic. But, that also means that 16% of the time, it just doesn't work, and there's no explanation why. What he said next was very surprising to me. He wants me to continue taking my medications. Say what? I just got a negative test, further attempts are not possible, why would I keep the medications going? While he said we should not remain hopeful, and he doesn't want us to go through this disappointment again, he wants me to get my blood drawn again on Monday.

It turns out, there have been a few instances where the initial HCG was incorrect. Just three weeks ago, they had a similar case where a woman with great embryos came back with a negative test. They just couldn't believe it, so they kept her on her medications and rechecked her four days later. At that point, her levels were where they were supposed to be, she really was pregnant. Had they stopped her medications after the first blood test, she would have lost the baby. Therefore, he felt he needs to again follow his instincts and keep the medications in my system. I have an appointment at a different lab Monday morning at 8am, right before I go to work. It will truly be a miracle if we get a positive result on Monday, but I'm up for continuing the medications and seeing what God's plan truly is.

I will be elated if the results change, but ultimately, I'm prepared for them to be exactly the same. I can't go through this pain again in just a few days. At this point, I just want to accept God's will and His plan. While we may not be able to understand his reasoning now, someday, we will. Maybe there is a baby being born somewhere that Ali and Brian are meant to adopt, and if this had worked, it wouldn't happen. Prayers are appreciated now, just as much as they ever have been. Prayers for peace in our hearts and minds, and strength to go on despite such devastating news.

frustration.

This past week (tomorrow) has probably been one if the most stressful, frustrating weeks of my life. I knew it would be difficult, but I had no idea I would be this anxious for test time. I also didn't realize just how the medications would make me feel.

First of all, I've had a lot of pain with my injections. After a few days, I was ready to call it quits and asked if there were other options. Unfortunately, they want me to go to at least 8 weeks on the progesterone in oil. After tons of googling, Carlos and I finally figured out the perfect injection site, and things have improved significantly. He has been giving me all of my injections, and is doing a great job. This all happened after I sat through the most excruciating pain of my life, as he massaged giant knots of clumped up olive oil out if my butt. I'm still sore, but it's tolerable. I can sit again, and the heating pad has become my best friend.

Secondly, early symptoms of pregnancy and side effects of the progesterone are almost identical. Exhaustion. Dizziness. Urinary frequency. Bloating. Almost every symptom I've had that made me think I was pregnant, is also a side effect of the progesterone, which makes me question all of it. On the positive side, I've already had some food aversions, mild cramping, mild nausea, and a very sensitive sense of smell!

Lastly, the wait. I am probably the LEAST patient person on the face of the planet. Thursday cannot come fast enough. I wish we could just go and get my blood drawn now, but I know it is just too early. If we want accurate results, we have to wait.

Praying for some peace in my heart to accept God's will, whatever it may be, and survive these next few days with as little anxiety as possible!

transfer day.

What a crazy exciting day it was. Our appointment was at 1:30pm, so Ali and I spent the morning laying in bed, watching tv, and catching up on facebook. We finally decided we had better eat some lunch, so we headed over to Applebee's. Lunch was a little tense. We were both so excited, so nervous, so....I don't even know. Words can't explain how we were feeling. When we finished up, we headed to the clinic, even though we were early.

Just a little nervous

We were scheduled to check in at 1pm, but we were there by 12:40. Before we could even sit down, they whisked us right back to the room. I was shocked and suddenly got very nervous and shaky. I took a potty break and changed into my fashionable hospital gown, booties and hair cover. Ali was lucky enough to get to wear a "bunny" suit. Basically, a white paper jumpsuit...over her skirt and all! It was great. Then, Ali had to sign a million papers, again! Lisa, one of the clinic nurses who is absolutely hilarious, explained the procedure and gave us a remote so we could watch some "trash tv" while we were waiting. Nothing like some good crappy reality tv to make the time pass.

After a little tv time, Dr. Nemiro came in and explained the procedure, again. Then, we went into the surgical suite, and the miracle started! The room is dark (to protect the embryos) and there is a tv screen in there. There is also a small window in one of the walls that connects to the lab where the embryos are kept. As Dr. Nemiro, Lisa and Jubilee discussed changes they wanted to make to the website, and the arrangement of items in the room, they prepped me for the procedure. We got to watch as the lab tech (I think the embryologist, but I could totally be making that up) opened up the petrie dish with my name on, to verify that there were two "beautiful" embryos that were already hatching. We then watched as he used the pipette to collect both embryos and put them into the catheter. Then, Lisa left the room to go to the lab. A moment later, she returned with the embryologist. He then assisted Dr. Nemiro in placing the embryos. Dr. Nemiro has already placed a guide catheter through my uterus, so he just inserted his catheter into that catheter and injected the embryos. Once they are in place, they leave everything in place for 40 seconds to insure that the embryos don't get sucked out with the removal of the catheters. At this point, Ali was allowed to take flash photos, and the embryologist and Dr. Nemiro joked about having seizures from the flashing lights! It was hilarious and took away some of the tension from our end of the room.

Me and Lisa

Once the catheters were removed, we were done! I was transferred to a gurney and brought back to the first room we were in. I had to lay flat for 1 hour. The most important thing was to not lift my head. Lisa covered me up with a nice soft blankey, just like one at my mom's house, and I layed there and watched tv. Ali and I hardly talked. I think we were both to scared. We may or may not have cried a little bit too.

Dr. Nemiro getting things ready.

See those TINY dots at the top, in the middle, those are the embryos!

Once the hour was up, we were free to go. I had instructions to "take it easy" for the next week, no heavy lifting, pelvic rest, and insturctions on what was normal and what symptoms meant I needed to call in. They also told us to go out and enjoy a nice dinner...we laughed! There was NO way we were going to go out to dinner. We were headed straight back to the hotel and I was NOT going to move! I was afraid to do anything...stand up, walk to the car, sit in the car, pee (which Lisa made sure to tease me about relentlessly), walk into the hotel, sit up in bed. Basically, I didn't want to move at all. We ordered some pizza, watched some movies, and tried to sleep!

 If this video works, it's a short video of the embryologist bring the embryos in!

That was it. All the hard work we had done, the fundraising, the tests, etc was all for that! Now, it was time (still is time) to pray! Lots and lots of sticky prayers and prayers for peace in mine and Ali's hearts as we wait for the blood test to be done on the 13th!

crazy.

I think the phrase, "this is crazy," has come out of my mouth about 500 times this past week. When they did the ultrasound and my lining was great and the transfer date was picked. Talking to family, friends, coworkers, strangers, etc. On the drive out to Arizona Monday. In bed, watching HGTV at the hotel. When I woke up. I'm sure you get the point. It's crazy. I can't believe that today is THE day! All the hard work, stress, planning, traveling, everything we've been doing for the past year was leading up to this moment, and it's finally here! Crazy. Amazing!!

Despite being exhausted, and falling asleep about 2 seconds after I said, "these people are so picky, I have to stay awake to see what house they chose," I slept terribly. I woke up about a million times and just layed here thinking about it all. It didn't help that I was starving, that I got a call from work to see if I could come in (nope, I'm sorry, I'm busy getting pregnant today probably was not what they expected to hear), and my alarm going off to tell me it was time to get up and get the kids ready for school. Luckily, I was able to get a bit of sleep and woke up just in time to throw on my jeans and get some free breakfast a bagel, from the lobby. I took all my medications, and now I'm back in bed.

The shots have been rough. The first day, I was fine with them. They didn't really hurt at all. Now, my butt is so sore. Not really painful, just major muscle soreness. Plus, they make me SO tired. I was falling asleep, in the middle of the day, reading books to my kids. That is not like me at all! I also have one site that I think may be slightly infected. I'm on antibiotics for the transfer, and the spot is looking better, but it makes me nervous. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this for 12 weeks, twice a day. We will be talking to Dr. Nemiro about the other options, to see what will work best for me. I did break down yesterday and teach my husband how to do my injections. He did a great job, and was smart enough not to show how scared he was until he was done. It will be nice to have him do it for me every now and then. I also am utilizing my coworkers when I can. Juanita was the lucky one so far, MJ got to stand guard so no one walked in on us! No matter how hard it is to continue the injections, I will do what I have to do to give the babies their best chance!

At 1pm, we will head to the clinic. When the procedure starts, we will get to watch everything on video. The embryologist pipetting the little embryos into their tubes, Dr. Nemiro placing the embryos. There is probably a lot more to it than that, but since this is my first go-round, that's what I know for sure is happening. I will have to lay there for an hour, then we will come back to the hotel. I will be on bed rest until tomorrow, and we will head home tomorrow afternoon. They will be recording everything for Brian since he left on deployment Saturday morning.

source

This post is kind of all over the place, and sorry I don't have any cool pictures for you, but maybe next time. My emotions are all over the place and are making me kind of scatter-brained at the moment. I'm just so happy to be here, and to know that this is really going to happen. In just a few short hours I'll be "pregnant"!! Thank you so much to everyone who has helped us get this far...without your help, this wouldn't be happening!

holy cow. it's really happening.

We have a date! How did this happen? I'd be lying if I said there was never a doubt in my mind that we'd get to the point. There have been many times where I thought that it just wasn't going to happen. Well, by the grace if God, it is. By this time next week, I will be pregnant. It is time for sticky prayers people!

My appointment today went perfect. They want my lining at 11mm or more, and it was at 14mm. Lisa, one of Dr. Nemiro's nurses, said everything looks perfect!

Tomorrow, I do my last lupron injection. Friday, I start progesterone injections, twice a day. These are the shots that will hurt. 2 ml of oil, into my butt, twice a day. I'm scared! I'm sure that once I do it, it won't be that bad. But right now, the fear of the unknown is killing me.

Monday, I will add Medrol to my regiment of pills. It is a steroid that helps prevent my body from attacking the embryos. Monday evening, Ali and I will head back to Arizona.

Tuesday at 1pm, we will go to the clinic. The procedure itself will happen at 1:30pm. As of right now, it looks as though Brian will not be there, so they will video tape it for him. We will stay in Phoenix until Wednesday afternoon.

On the 13th, I will have a serum HCG level drawn. The clinic will tell us as soon as they know anything. If it all works out, we will go to Arizona in a few weeks for an ultrasound to see how many babies took!!

I am so excited right now. I was shaking when we went over all the paperwork and arranged for the appointment. Please, keep us in your prayers. Pray that the babies stick and Brian and Ali will finally have the family they've wanted!

another busy week.

I hope you all have enjoyed your holiday and have time off to spend with your family!

Next week is another busy one, actually, the next two weeks are going to be busy. I will be flying out to Phoenix Tuesday morning. I have an appointment Wednesday morning in which they will do an ultrasound to check my uterine lining. This time, they want the lining to be nice and thick. I will fly back home that evening.

The next week, we will be heading out to Phoenix again. This time, it will be for the most important appointment of all!

I can't believe this is really happening. It is almost time. It's amazing to think that in less than 2 weeks, 2 little embryos will be inside of me!!!